Greetings, Miss Manners In my town, I like to mingle with a group of women. For the 14 of us who frequently gather for social gatherings, there is a group SMS.
Some of the women recently talked about how much fun they had sailing, and it was clear that half of the group had not been invited. This is not the first instance of it.
They ought to keep these texts confidential, in my opinion. They are free to exclude me, but I think boasting is impolite.
PERSONAL READER: Is boasting impolite? The national sport, isn’t it?
The courteous rule against publicizing social occasions to persons who were not invited has been undermined by social media. If Miss Manners believed she had even the slightest possibility of success, she would advise avoiding posting about events online, unless to a group that was exclusive to the visitors.
However, she is aware that nobody is paying attention. They are eager to brag about the amazing event they organized (or attended).
Thus, let’s approach it from the other perspective, beginning with the recognition that not everyone can be invited to everything. A boat can only accommodate a certain number of passengers. In order to be outraged, you should have been routinely left out of events when everyone else in your social circle was invited.
Even in that case, you might break up contact with these people or inquire as to whether you have offended them in any way. However, you shouldn’t question the hosts’ right to select their visitors.
Stories by
Judith Martin
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Miss Manners: Am I required to give when a friend asks for a donation to organization I don t trust?
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Miss Manners: My son accused me of valuing my furniture over his messy kids’ comfort
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Miss Manners: How do I get out of calling partner s mother Mom after she asked me to?
Greetings, Miss Manners Since birth, I have been blind. I don’t take offense when people ask me questions or make comments about it, unlike other individuals I know. I’m at ease with who I am, and occasionally I even laugh about it.
The conversation, however, may get awkward when someone I don’t know well remark something like “Good to see you,” since they assume I’m insulted.
I say that to people in jest all the time, and it’s simply a figure of speech, to start.
When someone starts apologizing in these difficult situations, even though I don’t think it’s necessary, what should I respond to them?
PERSONAL READER: I get what you’re saying. However, I don’t think it’s really insulting.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
