To Annie, please: Throughout our more than two decades of marriage, my spouse has consistently managed our money. I thought he would handle everything, but lately I’ve begun to have my doubts.
He either ignores me or provides evasive responses when I inquire about our finances, retirement plans, or savings. I’m not sure whether he’s keeping something from me or if he simply doesn’t think I should know.
I don’t want to blame him, but I also don’t want to be unaware of our financial predicament. What would happen if he did? How can I discuss this with him without getting into a fight or giving him the impression that I don’t trust him? — Feeling Excluded in Financial Matters
Dear Feeling Excluded: That you’re feeling anxious is totally understandable. Financial cooperation is an aspect of the partnership that is marriage. Your husband shouldn’t view your need to know where you stand as a challenge; it’s just common sense.
Warmth, not accusations, is the best way to handle this. To feel more confident about our future, choose a quiet time and say something like, I’d really like to look over our finances with you. Could we get together and go over everything? By doing this, the discussion is framed as partnership rather than an interrogation.
If he dismisses you, politely but firmly tell him that you must be informed as his wife. Would you even know where to start if something happened to him? Making sure both partners have access to crucial financial information is a sign of a responsible marriage.
If he still refuses, there might be a more serious problem, such as embarrassment about talking about money, poor money management, or something he’s scared to disclose. To ensure that everything is in order, it could be beneficial to bring in an impartial third party, such as a financial advisor. This has to do with security, not trust. You have every right to feel informed and ready, and every partner deserves financial honesty.
For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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