To Eric, My husband is unable to purchase flowers because of a mental block. He is, in my opinion, deliberately incompetent.
It’s not as though he was made to consume them as a child or assaulted with a bouquet. Since I already had my own and would rather pick my own bouquets, I tried to persuade him to back off. However, he is incredibly passive-aggressive in that he wants/defends the luxury of not buying things for me in addition to the work of purchasing them.
He desires authority. His attempt to manipulate the flowers is ridiculous.
I don’t have time for him to sulk about wanting to since he’s not intelligent enough to recognize the flowers in our little town. Even though he doesn’t have any allergies, he seems determined to control the flowers in our house, thus I’m hoping in vain that he’ll choose to purchase a poppy.
Since he has only purchased flowers for me less than ten times in the past thirty years, I have a suspicion that he wants attention for the act.
Disempowered Flower
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To Flower, Regardless of what your husband says, please follow Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway and purchase the flowers yourself. He forgets to let you know how and when to get flowers. Additionally, you don’t need to argue about it back and forth. You can also arrange for your favorite florist to deliver or pick you up on a regular basis, which is a terrific way to help a local business and avoid his pranks.
His actions are alarming and domineering. And since it appears that things have gotten out of control, it is worthwhile to inquire as to what this is actually about.
When you purchase the flowers yourself, your spouse might feel that he is losing the chance to show you affection, but if he is unable to understand that you are independent, have your own preferences, and, I assume, enough vases for several bouquets, then there is a more serious issue at hand. That’s one (problematic but fixable) thing if he was just whining about wanting to buy them. The withholding, however, is a quite different matter. Why is he so determined to keep you from enjoying life?
Your spouse shouldn’t try to dictate your every move. It’s crucial to establish boundaries about the flowers and everything behind them during a serious discourse. However, I would also advise you to examine other aspects of your marriage and household life and assess them for any instances of dominating behavior. Talking to a friend or loved one about what’s happening will be beneficial, even if it’s isolated, in order to obtain support and an outside perspective.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
