To Eric, As a Jew, I am not observant. I don’t talk about my spiritual ideas lightly because they are highly personal to me. My mom converted to Christianity. This is significant because she developed friends who shared her beliefs as she became more devout in her Christian faith.
She referred to one of them—a younger woman—as her spiritual daughter. In the hopes that I could support Jean during a difficult time, my mother set me up with this woman, Jean. Jean and I both survived childhood sexual abuse, even if we don’t practice the same religion.
We grew close, and Jean mentioned how my comprehension benefited her.
My mother passed away last year, so it’s been fifteen years, and I don’t talk to Jean as often. Our differences have always seemed to be the main topic of our recent chats. In a world full of uncertainty, Jean finds solace in her faith. Her statements strike me as judgmental. Jean pointed out that I was subtly avoiding conversation. “I need a break from talking to her,” I remarked. She informed me that she feels she has always been welcoming of me, but she was a little defensive.
Although she is a kind person, I now feel more like a project than a buddy. Can you recommend a course of action?
Spiritual Counseling
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To Guidance, Her assertion that she has always been welcoming of you bothers me for some reason. She doesn’t have to agree with your beliefs. For you, they are just a fact. Furthermore, she has no authority to determine whose faith is legitimate. By expressing that she’s accepting, I believe she’s actually saying that she wishes she didn’t have to. Thus, the project.
Interestingly, you didn’t write that you accept her. Because according to your account of what happened, Jean’s faith is obvious and you didn’t feel the need to grant it.
As you move forward, you should both consider what the next stage of your friendship can be built upon. You first connected because of the intersections of your life experiences, but friendships go through phases, and that is no longer the foundation. Your differences appear to be the basis at the moment. The time for your friendship may have come to an end if you and Jean are unable to find anything productive and equally satisfying to continue developing.
Discuss this with her. You shouldn’t bear this alone. Inform her that you are not finding success with the discussions regarding divisions or even faith in general. Decide whether you agree with her after asking her what she believes to be your strong points of connection.
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