To Annie, please: Adrienne and I have been together for eight years. Our children, who are now teenagers, are around the same age as us, and we have both been divorced for roughly ten years. I have a son and a girl, and she has a single daughter. For the past seven years, we have taken yearly vacations, celebrated holidays and birthdays as a blended family, and are not married but live a few miles apart.
When we take group photos together during those vacations and other enjoyable occasions, Adrienne only shares images of herself and her daughter, acting as though my kids and I weren’t present.
She hasn’t wished me a happy birthday or shared a picture of us on social media in eight years.
In contrast, I share pictures of her and her kid in our family, frequently from the same events that she shares, but we are noticeably missing.
Since my children are now on social media, I have expressed to her how upsetting this is to me and possibly to them as well. She tells me she loves us, but she also claims I’m too sensitive and has made it plain that she has no plans to change the way she posts. Seeing her family pictures that essentially crop us out makes us feel more and more ashamed.
I’m hesitant to break up with the kids because they love spending time together, but this continuous treatment makes me feel like we’re her filthy little secret.
Is it a warning sign, or am I being too sensitive? I wanted a spouse who would always be there for me and my kids, but after eight years, she hasn’t even posed for a picture with us. Your wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I’m starting to believe that I and my children deserve better. — Having a Cropped Out Feeling
To Cropped Out, It’s terrible that Adrienne keeps excluding you and your children from social media, and you have good reason to feel that way. Although social media doesn’t define a relationship, it does have some influence in the modern world.
Her rejection of your feelings and refusal to make concessions are far more concerning than her failure to post you.
Adrienne and you have previously discussed it, but I urge you to have a more in-depth and serious discussion. Tell her how important this is to you, primarily because of what it represents, and that without it, you might not be able to finish the relationship. I completely agree that you and your children deserve a spouse that accepts you for who you are, both in private and in public.
To Annie, please: I had an idea after reading your piece about the woman whose sister-in-law has become incredibly irritable and violent. Perhaps she is experiencing a physical issue.
An example would be that I got quite irritated and short-tempered around fifteen years ago. I found everything annoying. I would dispute with my hubby over anything and jump on him for the slightest thing. When I went for my yearly checkup, the results of the blood test revealed elevated levels of parathyroid hormone and calcium. One of my parathyroid glands (you have four parathyroids, not to be confused with the thyroid) happened to contain a benign tumor.
A malfunctioning parathyroid can cause a variety of symptoms, but my primary one was being incredibly cruel! I had one of my four parathyroid glands removed, and that was all! I went back to being the kind person I usually am.
The idea that someone should have a medical issue when their personality changed used to make me cringe, yet I experienced it myself! — An Additional Option
Dear Another Option: Your story serves as a wonderful reminder that we can never be certain of the struggles that other people are going through or the motivations behind their actions. The finest actions are always to be nice and to reserve judgment.
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